Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I have already put on my inside pants.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
