I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
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