can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
