I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
