i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
