We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
