I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
