THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
