there were more penises there than on chat roulette
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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