all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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