I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
