Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
