I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
