There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
