I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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