i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
