I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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