some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You ruined the universe
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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