its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
