Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
