I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
