I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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