you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
