should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
