We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Randomize
