Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
So squirting runs in the family.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
