Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
