I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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