Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
