I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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