sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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