if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
