so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
time to smoke my breakfast
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You may now shotgun with the bride
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
