Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He? As in you personified your dick?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
