Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
