im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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