I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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