I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
