she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
