I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
