is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
