I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
