why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
