Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
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