TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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