The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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