What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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