hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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