Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i will never coherently bang her
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
