i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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